For my first foray into chatty AI, I asked Bard (Google’s Chatbot):

Write a short, humorous story about a detective who is also a talking parrot. A woman comes to the parrot to ask him to find her missing husband. Her husband is a fanatic birdwatcher who has gone missing in a jungle. The detective finds the husband, but there is a twist at the end.

Bard produced three drafts from the story prompt. One was intriguing, the other two didn’t make a lot of sense. Did I provide too little information in the prompt? I don’t think so. I can think of several amusing versions of this story that I might write.

But enough about me. Here’s what Bard wrote.

Draft 1:

The woman entered the detective’s office, a look of desperation on her face. “Please,” she said, “you have to help me find my husband. He’s gone missing in the jungle.”

The detective, a talking parrot, nodded. “I’ll do everything I can,” he said.

The woman told the detective that her husband was a fanatic birdwatcher and that he had gone missing in the jungle while looking for a rare bird. The detective listened attentively, then said, “I’ll start my investigation immediately.”

The detective flew out of the office and into the jungle. He searched high and low, but he couldn’t find the woman’s husband. He was about to give up when he heard a faint cry for help. He followed the sound and found the woman’s husband, trapped in a tree by a giant snake.

The detective quickly freed the man from the snake and flew him back to the woman. The woman was overjoyed to see her husband, and she thanked the detective profusely.

The detective smiled. “It was all in a day’s work,” he said.

Just then, the woman noticed something strange. The detective’s eyes were glowing red.

“What’s wrong with your eyes?” she asked.

The detective shrugged. “Oh, it’s nothing,” he said. “I just had a little bit too much caffeine.”

The woman was suspicious, but she didn’t press the issue. She was just glad to have her husband back safe and sound.

As the woman and her husband left the detective’s office, the detective watched them go. He smiled to himself. He had done a good day’s work, and he had gotten away with it.

But the detective’s eyes were still glowing red…

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Draft 2:

“Please find my husband,” the woman said. “He’s a fanatic birdwatcher who has gone missing in the jungle.”

“I’m a parrot,” I said. “I don’t know how to find people.”

“But you’re a detective,” she said. “You must be able to find people.”

“I’m a parrot detective,” I said. “I solve bird-related crimes.”

“My husband is a bird,” she said. “He’s missing. That’s a bird-related crime.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” I said.

I flew to the jungle and started looking for the woman’s husband. I searched high and low, but I couldn’t find him.

I was about to give up when I heard a noise. I followed the noise and found the woman’s husband. He was sitting in a tree, watching birds.

“I found you,” I said.

“Thank you,” he said. “I’ve been missing.”

“I know,” I said. “Your wife came to see me.”

“Oh,” he said. “I see.”

“She’s worried about you,” I said.

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m just enjoying the birds.”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” I said. “But your wife is still worried about you. You should probably go home.”

“I will,” he said. “Thank you for finding me.”

“You’re welcome,” I said.

I flew back to the woman’s house and told her that I had found her husband. She was so happy to see him.

“Thank you so much,” she said. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“I’m just glad I could help,” I said.

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Draft 3:

Once upon a time, there was a detective named Parrot who lived in a jungle. Parrot was a very good detective, and he had solved many cases. One day, a woman came to Parrot to ask him to find her missing husband. Her husband was a fanatic birdwatcher, and he had gone missing in the jungle.

Parrot agreed to help the woman, and he set out to find her husband. He searched the jungle for days, but he could not find any sign of the husband. Finally, he came to a clearing. In the middle of the clearing was a large tree. Parrot climbed up the tree and looked into the nest. There, he saw the husband!

The husband was very happy to see Parrot, and he thanked him for finding him. Parrot asked the husband how he had gotten lost, and the husband told him that he had been following a rare bird. He had gotten so caught up in following the bird that he had lost his way.

Parrot told the husband that he should be more careful, and the husband promised that he would. Then, Parrot climbed down from the tree and took the husband back to the woman. The woman was very happy to see her husband, and she thanked Parrot for finding him.

Parrot was glad that he had been able to help the woman, and he was even more glad that he had found a new friend.

The twist at the end is that the husband was actually the one who had kidnapped himself. He was tired of his wife and wanted to start a new life with a new woman. He had hired Parrot to find him, so that he could make it look like he had been kidnapped.

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